The Letter
by I-am-L
Summary: A letter Sirius writtes for Remus and Harry when he's sentenced to have the Dementor's kiss  Slight Remus&Sirius implied, but only if you squint xD


hi :D  
>This is kinda based on this song .comwatch?v=R6-XYJ9fVyI  
>Warning: Angst. Implied Sirius&amp;Remus.<br>Disclaimer: i obviously don't own Harry Potter, if i did, there would be yaoi in it and neither Sirius nor Lupin would die.

* * *

><p>I was sitting down, alone in the cold stone floor of my improvised cell, wandering through my mind. I sighed heavily for the umpteenth time, I've already lost track of the sigh count, with no particular reason while looking through the small window; all i could see was the night sky and the moon. The full moon. <em>Moony...<em>I couldn't help thinking of you. That's when I decided to write. I grabbed the parchment and the quill they allowed me to have and I started writing:

_Dear Moony and Prongs Jr.:  
>By the time you read this letter, I'll probably be dead.<em>

Dead. That word suddenly seemed so big and mighty, almost impossible for me to say, but, sadly, it was true.

_Three days. This is a future I cannot avoid.  
><em>  
>Oh, Merlin, in three days I'll be dead. Well, in theory, not dead, actually, it was a fate worse than Death: Lying on the ground cold and lifeless and with a pretty Dementor all over me. Yes, I was sentenced to have my soul sucked out by one of those hideous black monsters. The Dementor's Kiss.<p>

_I'm having trouble writing words I've written many times before. _

I confess as I notice I'm shaking, my hands tremble badly and, while attempting to dip my quill in the ink bottle, I spill it all over the parchment. I crumple it, tear it apart and finally throw away, taking another one and starting again. I try to calm myself down before writing again.

_"How should I spend the rest of my 70 hour life?" I asked myself as I picked up my quill.  
><em>  
>I figured out writing would be the best thing to do, in that way, I could at least leave behind some last words for the two people that meant the world to me: my best friendlover and my Godson, that way they won't feel like I'm gone without saying goodbye, for I don't want to go away the way I did thirteen years ago, when I was taken to Azkaban.

_I don't have anything to say, really. I just write whatever comes to me._

I doubt my letter will make a lot of sense, because I do write whatever comes to me. Bits of memories shared with either of them, random thoughts that cross my mind, even fragments of muggle and wizarding songs. Sometimes, I re-read the letter and I'm tempted to throw it away for it is full of trivial things and it's quite senseless, but either way I don't do it because I know that soon enough this will be the only remain of my existence.

_The next thing I know: two days have gone by; I've spent all this time writing my letter for you_…

I have been writing for a long time, actually, that is pretty much everything I do, because I'm not allowed to do much. I eat, I write, I sleep for a while, I keep on writing. I can't believe that I have only one more day in this Earth, I'm a young man, I could have lived a long, nice life if I was not fated to die at age 34. I could have done so many things... I like to think that maybe, if my name had been somehow cleared, I could have lived with Moony an Harry a dreamed life and then die out when I turned old and gray, still having both of them by my side. But well, you can't always get what you wanted.

_The fear that was inside my heart is calm and quiet. It's as if I were watching a dream.  
><em>  
>I wrote down. Well, it was partially true. When i was first told about my terrible fate, I was terrified, for there is nothing worse than the Dementor's Kiss. But then, I thought that perhaps Azkaban in even worse, and I survived Azkaban, bloody hell, I escaped Azkaban! so maybe, just maybe, the Dementor's Kiss would not be as bad; I mean, few seconds or even a minute of suffering and then... Nothing but darkness and numbness. I kept that in mind and slowly my fear calmed down.<p>

_Out there, under the sky, what are you watching and what are you thinking?  
><em>  
>I wondered even though I knew I would never find out the answer to those questions. What are you doing in this exact moment, my Moony? Are you crying for losing me? I hope not, 'cause I have never been able to see you cry, let alone making you cry, though I know you've shed tears for me through all my years in Azkaban.<br>And you, Harry? What do you think of this man who turned from dangerous killer to loving godfather in matter of hours?

_This 24 hour life is too short to go by your side.  
><em>  
>I knew that I could ask Dumbledore to tell the guards to grant me one last wish. And I would ask for seeing both Moony and Harry, have a last kiss, a last hug, a last "I'm sorry" and be ready to go, but it would be too hard for me to see them and say goodbye, I've always hated goodbyes.<p>

_It is sad, but at the same time I am relieved. I find myself feeling relief that I will never see you again, because, if I did, then everything inside me would come loose.  
><em>  
>I simply did not want them to see me cry.<p>

I kept on writting about pretty much everything, almost without me noticing, time elapsed and now I was an hour away from the time I was scheduled to get kissed. I looked out through the small window and saw the bluest and prettiest sky I can remember. "Well, at least my last day alive was a beautiful one..." I thought before writing down some if the last lines of my long farewell letter.

_It's hard to believe that my world is going to end in a few minutes. This fine feeling of the beautiful blue sky is almost too bright for me even if I close my eyes. If tears come flowing out it's probably because of that._

Feeling imminent death over me made me feel like crying, all the calm and peaceful feeling flew through the window as i realized I'd be dead in less than an hour.

_Even if I have a little time left, I'm going to live my life. Even if lose everything, I'll always know I lived my life.  
>All my love,<br>Padfoot_  
><em>(Sirius Black)<em>

I finished writing and then everything else blurred out. Next thing I knew, it was time.

I was taken out of my cell. There were many Aurors, to make sure i would not escape, obviously the Dementor and a small congregation of Hogwarts teachers. Among them I saw them; Remus was standing there, holding Harry close.

I felt my heart sink low; I did not want them to see life sucked out of me. A single tear rolled from my eyes as I locked my eyes on them. "Please... Go..." I thought as I saw the Dementor coming closer.

It removed its hood. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I felt fear wash all over me. I started feeling weak, a cry escaping from my mouth as the world blurred out. I shot a last glance at Remus and Harry; they both looked pained, holding tight to each other as they looked at me.

"Expecto Patronum!" I heard them cry before everything faded into darkness for me.


End file.
